


Sworn to the Heart

by Ushio



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Mentor/Protégé, POV Second Person, Pearlnet, Pearlrose, Sword-fighting, Sworn To The Sword, Training, and Connie, my poor baby bird, this is my first fic in english pls be gentle, why does sugarmom enjoy our tears so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 07:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4170624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ushio/pseuds/Ushio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Your biggest strength will be your fear for Steven's life. It’s natural to be afraid. It’s not correct to let that fear rule you. Do you understand?” </p><p>And then she smiles determinately. Her back straightens, she lifts her chins and nods. She seems taller know, surer. As if she had forgotten her wounds, as if the world around her made sense again. Suddenly, your feel very proud of her and you give her a sincere smile. She smiles back at you and the fire in her eyes is blinding.</p><p>“I will protect Steven. No matter how scared I am, I will, because...”</p><p>Because you love him. </p><p>She really is a sweet child. </p><p>[Connie wishes to learn sword-fighting and Pearl loses herself].</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sworn to the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!!
> 
> Gosh, the Stevenbomb was BRUTAL. And I loved how gay the made bird mom, heh. Anyway, I loved "Sworn to the Sword" and I wanted to write a fic about it so here it is. It has pearlrose because it's so canon it hurts and pearlnet because they are my precious babies and OTP. Also Connie/Steven. And lots of angst. Sorry about that. Beware of head-canons galore and the prose of a non-native English speaker. This is my first fanfic in English and, actually, the longest piece of English writing I have ever accomplished. Don't be afraid to spell out any mistake you may see, I really want to improve!
> 
> I hope you like it~~!

At first, you think this is a bad idea. They come to you asking for help, so young and naïve, so wide eyed. Those two think that sword fighting is laughing matter, a game or a diversion and they cannot see beyond that. You would not expect any different from them: they are children. For them knighthood is just another fancy word. How could they possibly understand the implications that come with it?

Connie is just too young to sacrifice her life like that. You are certain that, when the time is right, she will do whatever it takes to protect Steven. You know this because you would do the same thing. Because you see the love in her eyes, burning as fiercely bright as a star. You share the feeling — but then again, humans like to make things endlessly complicated. Romantic love, platonic love, friendship, familiar love... it all comes down to the same emotion. Rose taught you that. 

One day, Connie will die for Steven. But that day is still far away and you don’t feel the need to make it happen now — it would only crush him. Therefore, your automatic reaction is a sound **_no_** _, Steven, she is just a human_ that never makes it past your lips. You offer them an excuse that conceals part of the truth: she is too young. Not yet prepared for war.

( _You were also very young_ , a treacherous voice says, quietly, in your ear. It sounds like Rose).

Her rebuttal is instantaneous. The girl begins a tirade about her desire to protect Steven and you see in her a yearning for usefulness, for adventure, for much more than a simple human live could ever provide. She wants _everything_. She wants to be _free._

_(Maybe you are projecting—)._

That much you can understand. To some point, it touches you. It remembers you of a time when you also felt lost, directionless, just another pearl in a billion. A time before Rose came along. So beautiful, so kind, so _magnificent_ , so unbelievably _soft._ You remember the first time she grabbed your hand, you remember the way her fingers laced up with yours. _My Pearl. You’re wonderful._

Maybe you can give Connie that little spark of light. Perhaps she is ready to meet her destiny.

(The Rose in your head shuts up very beautifully).

 

* * *

 

To this moment, you had never really stopped to think about Connie Maheswaran. Steven’s new little friend. Oh, you know he is friends with half the townsfolk, if not all of them mostly because of his caring nature. Every living creature comes to love him, attracted by his cheerful personality, his peacefulness, his grounded heart. (He is so much like Rose that it makes your skin crawl). So it’s normal that he would find a friend in Connie, as she is such a sweet little girl.

(You have always found her pleasing. Polite, intelligent, more rational than your little rascal).

( _Your_. Yours. As if, Steven were your son. _Rose, please forgive me_ ).

With time, however, you notice how deep their love runs. And when they fuse... oh, Garnet rejoices but you are _worried._ They are far too young to even grasp the intimacy of the act. It is very much so like human fusion and it’s endearing to see them give their few tentative steps into the world of grown-ups (to you, though, all humans are children — so little time has passed since Rose was here... everything feels _ephemeral_ and whimsical and what does it even matter anymore? Rose is ~~dead~~ ).

The point is that they are able to fuse and that means one thing and one thing only: their connection is strong. They understand each other at a level that other people could not comprehend; they are meant to be together. Humans refer to this as _soulmates_ and for once you believe that they are profoundly right. Connie’s and Steven’s souls connect in the same way that Ruby and Sapphire’s does. In the same way you and Rose did. You did not think that Steven would be able to fuse, being organic as he is but that little girl proved you wrong. She accepted his light. Somehow, her body accommodated his.

It’s beautiful. You’re so _happy_ for him, you’re so happy for all the things he has accomplished, for how much he has matured and changed. But you’re also worried. Because he’s still half human and he’s fragile and it would be so easy for him to _die_... you don’t know yet if he would regenerate. You don’t ever want to find out.

~~(Because if Rose appeared you wouldn’t want him back—).~~

You want to take care of him. You want him to stay put, to stay safe, _to let you do your work._ You weren’t built for fighting but your very heart was built to love and guard Rose Quartz. The moment you met her, the moment she took your hand you knew: your whole life lead to her smile. Sometimes she would tease you about your seriousness and your unnecessary formalities. _Oh, my Pearl, I’m just like any other gem._ And you would sigh and laugh and kiss her as the bed fell under your weight. _But my liege, there are no words for your beauty. No words to describe your kind heart._

There really were none.

You protected Rose for more than ten thousand years until she decided to end her life (it was her decision, _it was_ —). You swore to her and to yourself to never hurt her child. To protect him like you had protected her and you heard in her dying words the promise of a bright future. Steven would led you all (but he was so tiny, so pink, and so _tender_ —).

You were happy in her servitude. You loved her and she loved you. It doesn’t matter what humans like Greg may believe; she loved you. She told you. You know this.

Connie also loves Steven and she will be happy being her knight. She will be happy protecting him, making it her duty and finding comfort in his safety. After all, Steven’s destiny is greater than anything you could ever foresee. His legacy will weigh on him like a hundred rocks and he will despair. But if she is by his side, all these future pains will be lighter. Things will be alright. Definitely alright.

You feel very grateful for her existence.

 

* * *

 

To your utmost surprise, Connie makes for an excellent knight. She is fastidious, strict and humble. She drinks you words like honey and believes in your teachings whole-heartedly; you should warn her about the dangers of trusting strangers but you’re too busy feeling giddy for all her attention. It has been some time since you last had a human pupil and even then, he wasn’t all that good. Too emotional, to unstable and definitely _too close to Rose’s bed._

(You never talked about it. Rose had all the lovers she wanted, be it men or women and you accepted it and never talked about it because they were just a _phase_. They would all die. You would not. She would not.

And then she did.

She died).

Connie, unlike _that_ apprentice, is incredibly malleable. She never complains or states her opinion. She accepts whatever you tell her as the very fabric of the universe. She listens, she comprehends, she repeats. Her adaptability and soft personality should alarm you but, on the contraire, you find her willingness to obey quite helpful.

You are a pearl after all: you were built for obedience. Pearls do whatever it is asked from them. Be it fighting, organizing or dancing. Once upon a time, you would dance like a burst of light in front of your Master and her friends whenever it was called from you. You remember the first night Rose was there, among the royalty your Master concurred. She kept staring at you, horrified as you twirled and bowed and jumped. She was so very lovely, all dressed up in pink and gold— a beautiful, ageless diamond.

Your eyes met and that was the beginning of the end.

_(Focus, Pearl. Focus on your pupil, here—)_

“Ma’am, can I ask a question?” she rasps.

She is resting against a column, her brown skin glistering with sweat. There is a bruise on her shoulder and another one on her hand. Her hair is in a disarray, her chest goes up and down erratically; her wobbly knees won’t be able to hold her. You wonder for a fleeting moment if you haven’t been too hard on her. Then you put such a thought aside.

She must be ready for death. What are a few bruises here and there?

(Today Steven is not here. If he were, things would be different).

“Of course, Connie.”

“Aren’t you ever afraid? You seem so sure of yourself and... aren’t you scared?”

You laugh, a bit hysterically. She has hit the right nerve.

“Oh, Connie, you got it all wrong. I’m _always_ afraid.”

She seems surprised by this.

“Really? But you’re so brave... and you always talk about thinking of Steven first and—“

“You should think of Steven first,” you agree. “Always. But that’s not what I mean. Connie, what would happen to you if I stabbed you with a sword? Let’s say, above your belly.”

She gulps and looks at you slightly nervous as if thinking that you would really do something like that. You contain the urge to roll your eyes. “I- I would die”.

“That’s right. You would be dead. That scares you, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah...”

“Well, it’s normal. Humans have always been afraid of death. It is ingrained in their DNA, it is a monumental, intrinsic part of themselves. You are always afraid to die, but on the battlefield, those feelings increase. Because you are in danger, correct?”

“Yes.” She seems confused. As if she doesn’t know where you are going with all this.

“Gems don’t die so easily. If our gem doesn’t crack we can always regenerate, come back to life again. And believe me, gems are quite hard to crack.” You think of Amethyst, briefly, and contain a little smile. “Because of that, most gems are not afraid of death. We don’t even think about it. We are ageless, immortal, eternal... as you know, our bodies are made of light.”

“But if you are not afraid of dying... _what_ are you afraid of?” She insists, a bit nervous. You grace her with a tiny wisp of a smile.

“Rose’s death.”

“Rose.” She repeats, surprised. “Steven’s mom?”

“She was my liege in the same way Steven will be yours. My duty was to protect her above all costs and so I did time after time, bravely, selflessly, as it was expected of me. I knew she couldn’t die so easily but I was terrified all the same. What if she got killed because I was distracted? What if she got killed because I wasn’t fast enough or strong enough? What if she needed me and I wasn’t there?”

“Pearl...”

“I wasn’t afraid for me because my life was expendable. Hers was not. I was afraid for her, I was terrified to my very bones.” You pierce her with your eyes and there is harshness in your voice. “You may think that you are afraid now, Connie. Maybe I frighten you, maybe you think that this anxiety building in your stomach is all there is.” You kneel before her so you can look her right in the eye.

She has quite short eyelashes.

“No! No, I understand...”

“Connie, listen.” She stops right away and nods stiffly. “There is no greater fear than the one you feel on the battlefield. I hope there is some time yet before you join us in our missions but soon you will understand my words. In a war you are so horrified you can’t barely speak, you can’t _barely move_. But you have to, for your liege. You must take all that panic and horror and you must turn it into strength.”

 “Strength?”

“Your biggest strength will be your fear for Steven's life. It is natural to be afraid. But is not right to let that fear rule you. Do you understand?” You put a hand in her shoulder, making her look at you. You have seem to touch a tender spot because she hisses.

For a moment, you hesitate. Maybe you were wrong about Connie, maybe she doesn’t have what it’s needed. Maybe she is too weak. _(You should have asked her this sooner—)._

And then she smiles with determination. Her back straightens, she lifts her chins and nods. She seems taller now, surer. As if she had forgotten her wounds, as if the world around her made sense again. Suddenly, your feel very proud of her and you give her a sincere smile. She smiles back at you and the fire in her eyes is blinding.

“I will protect Steven. No matter how scared I am, I will, because...”

_Because you love him._

She really is a sweet child.

 

* * *

 

Weeks turn into months. You don’t feel the pass of time like humans do; to you it has been just a couple of hours. But Connie grows stronger with each passing day, prouder, more sure of herself; she is faster and steadier than before. Her muscles develop and her soft skin turns hard. She is a great student, the best you have ever had. Sometimes you feel so proud that you fear your chest will burst.

You have always loved teaching. It reminds you of the War and the way you trained younger gems, inexperienced gems, how along Garnet you prepared an army...

(Garnet is sending you strange looks these past few days. It irks you but you know better than to say anything. If she really wants to argue with you, she will come when it’s needed).

Today you are testing Connie’s ability to dodge your sword attacks. Holo-Pearl is having no mercy on her. Connie jumps and avoids and runs like her life is on stake but this is not what you were expecting. She needs to be more graceful and calm. Why is she so afraid? It’s only Holo-Pearl, after all, not an army of powerful, destructive gems. And then, when the hologram nearly slithers her throat and she barely manages to escape you realize.

She is human.

_She could die._

With a gesture of your hand, Holo-Pearl disappears. Connie falls to the ground, trembling, gasping for air. She is making this horrible, squeezing sound and you wonder is she’s not seriously hurt. In a moment you’re by her side, kneeling, half-embracing her.

“I’m sorry, child. I forgot...”

“No!” she says. “No, it’s my fault! I have to better if I want to protect Steven I have... I...”

She’s crying. Sobbing, blubbering about things you cannot understand. Maybe you have pushed her too hard. She’s still young. There is still time...

“I don’t wanna die,” she wails and you close your eyes. You are sitting on the ground beside her now, embracing her, drawing her to your chest like a mother would. You caress her soft hair and her sweat-covered forehead.

“But you must, Connie. If you want to protect Steven, you must die...”

You had hope there would be some time left before this lesson arrived. You believed you had time.

Summer is gone.

 

* * *

 

“Remember, Connie, in the heat of battle Steven is what matters. You don’t matter.”

“I don’t matter,” she repeats.

Inwardly, you smile. She has finally understood her role as Steven’s protector. In a real battle, he is all that matters. All the Crystal Gems understand this notion deep in their hearts. It is time for Connie to learn it too. There’s only so much you can teach her without a real battlefield to put it at practice, but soon she will be ready to come along with you on missions. First, though, she needs to test her abilities.

You create an artificial fog to obstruct and confuse her sight. She needs to rely on her other senses as human’s eyes are very weak. Human’s senses in general are quite lackluster. Any gem could be stronger than Connie if she doesn’t try hard enough to improve her poor organic attributes.

Luckily for you (and for her) she always tries with all her heart.

You remain on the periphery of the arena, and let the Holo-Pearls do their job. They are at a much lower level now — you have learned your lesson. From time to time you see her moving across the field, practically dancing as she puts her sword through your very chest. You nod in approval even if she can't see you. You take notes of things she can improve. _Her stance is a bit too wide, her arms should be straighter, and when talking with Steven she should—_

Wait a second.

Steven. She is talking with Steven.

You are there in a heartbeat, worried and angry at equal parts —he just can’t intrude in such an important training lesson! But when you get there you hear his words and you just feel your skin crawl.

"No matter what comes we do this together!"

"Steven!" You're trembling in pure anger. The fog vanishes into thin air with a gesture of your hands.

_(“Pearl, we need to fight together, I don’t want you to die for me! Not like this, not when it isn’t necessary!”)_

“Steven, don’t interfere. She needs to take me on herself!”

You just want him gone. He is talking like Rose and you don’t need Rose right now, you just want him to _listen,_ you want him to _obey,_ why couldn’t Rose ever _listen_ to you, why—

You search your student’s face, silently asking some help, but Connie’s eyes are full of something you don’t know. She has changed. Steven has changed her.

_(As if you were nothing)._

They attack you after spurting some nonsense about jam. They are quick and efficient and they make a great team. No matter how worried you are about your boy _(yours)_ your analytical mind can’t ignore how much easier battle would be if they fought together. These children were born to fight side by side, it would be clever and more intelligent to let them—

_No. Steven must live. At all costs._

“Enough!”

They fall apart so easily it’s pitiable. There is still much room for improvement.

“No! In a real battle Steven won’t be there to save you!”

_(“No, Rose! In battle you will be in the front lines and I need to protect you! You won’t survive alone!”)_

“Yes, I will!” they both say at the same time. Steven and Rose and your heart breaks.

“Steven, you don’t know that.”

_(“You don’t know that, Rose, please, listen...”)_

“Yes, I do! If Connie’s going to fight, we’re going to fight together!”

“That’s right!” She yells.

“You shouldn’t be anywhere near the fight, you’re too important!” You say. You said, a millennia ago.

“I’m not!” they both say and you wonder _Rose is that you, talking to me?_

“Yes, you are!”

“No!”

_“Why won’t you just let me do this for you, Rose?!”_

You break.

Tears spill out of your eyes and you are too tired to try and contain them. You cry. This is too much, he is too stubborn, and why must things be this way? You failed her the first time, you failed her and now she is dead. Only Steven remains, precious Steven who just some days ago was a pink bundle in your arms, beautiful Steven who has her eyes and her laughter and her smile.

You just want to protect them. Him, and Connie and Garnet and Amethyst, you want to protect them all. It’s your job. That night, when Rose grabbed your hand and freed you from your Master, that night when she gave you purpose and light and said  _you’re so beautiful, Pearl_ you swore to always protect her. You became a protector. That’s what you do, that’s what you have done for millennia after millennia. You fight. You die. You return.

You live, somehow. In a world where she is gone.

The children sit beside you and you can see tiredness and hurt in Connie’s eyes. You hurt her. You tried to turn her into something she was not.

“Did Rose made you feel like you were nothing?”

And you could cry for ages, you could fill all the oceans in the world with your tears, you could grieve until your heart turned stone and your lips broke and your bones were dust, then turned to air, then smoke—

But you laugh.

“Oh... She made me feel like I was everything.”

_(“Pearl, I love you but you are wrong. You are so wrong.”)_

_I know, Rose. I know._

 

* * *

 

Garnet comes into your room some time later. She is serious and maybe a bit angry with you. You have already talked about this. She scolded you as if you were nothing but a gemling and you accepted your blame. Garnet insists now in supervising all the training lessons you give to the children; you don’t have the heart to feel offended. You went too far. You lost yourself. And Connie is so fragile... it can’t happen again.

Garnet sits on the water beside you. You are kneeling, head bowed and thinking. Praying for some peace of mind.

“Are you okay?” She asks.

“No.”

“You have to let go of her, Pearl. You know it.”

How many times have you two had this conversation? How many times has she hold you while you wept?

“I can’t. I don’t know how.”

“Let Steven teach you. Let him guide you.”

And to this you smile because Garnet's faith in Steven is unshakable, unbreakable, she trusts him above anything else. It’s so endearing you want to cry.

“Garnet?”

“Yes?”

“Can you stay silent? For the rest of the night?” You brush her cheek with your fingers and lean forward to kiss her. She lets you do it. Her hands tangle in your clothes, her shades get put aside and her three eyes look at you, soaked up in love. She loves you.

Just the thought of it makes you smile.

“I’m not Rose,” she whispers.

“I know,” you whisper back.

You kiss her and you feel how the tiny bits of your bleeding heart start to cobble together, desperate for some warmth. She gives it to you, she embraces you and suddenly you are not alone and you don’t feel despair and Rose becomes some weak, frail memory that you can leave behind. You fuse among kisses and laughs. Ruby and Sapphire welcome you, they hug you, and they wipe your tears away.

You love her too.

 


End file.
